Junk Yard

"When I buy clothes from the Good Will I like to wear them without washing them first. It's how I build my immunity to poverty."

Response 24, Week 12

I think earlier this semester it was you that wrote a poem that included the word mahogany.. not sure but I just love that word lol

Anyway I'm not entirely sure what is going on in this poem. Is it a sexual relationship at work maybe? A borderline sexual harassment case? Anyway I think some lines could be condensed and there could be an opening to go off topic that provides more background information after line 4. Maybe a letter in the briefcase that introduces the other character that is being outlined by the curves. I just know nothing about this other person. And actually now that I read this piece I think both characters could be more established. But this is a great draft.

Response 23, Week 12

Lol you do have an obsession with sexual content and colors. Perhaps you should consider hanging out with Trista? I think that was her name because she definitely has a grasp of the sexual language, her poems were awesome.

Anyway, I really like this draft and the transitions especially in the first stanza. Lines 3-5 I just love the play of words.

I don't know if I like the ending of this piece because to me its just another explanation of the desensitized prostitute. I think it would be interesting if you made the character in this piece excited for this job. I mean she kind of seemed excited for the idea in the beginning of the piece and then by the end its like... actually this job would suck. I don't know if you've ever been to a strip club but the women there may physically be there but when you watch their face.... they are mentally checked out. I think it would be more of a challenge to convince a reader that being a prostitute is an appealing/exciting job.

Anyway I thought that would be an interesting/different and challenging perspective.

Overall thought I had fun reading this piece.. I really like "whispering destined jargon deciphered only through touch--like brail"

Inventory 12, Week 12

Gerald Stern

The Dancing

In all these rotten shops, in all this broken furniture

and wrinkled ties and baseball trophies and coffee pots

I have never seen a post-war Philco

with the automatic eye

nor heard Ravel’s “Bolero” the way I did

in 1945 in that tiny living room

on Beechwood Boulevard, nor danced as I did

then, my knives all flashing, my hair all streaming,

my mother red with laughter, my father cupping

his left hand under his armpit, doing the dance

of old Ukraine, the sound of his skin half drum,

half fart, the world at last a meadow,

the three of us whirling and singing, the three of us

screaming and falling, as if we were dying,

as if we could never stop—in 1945—

in Pittsburgh, beautiful filthy Pittsburgh, home

of the evil Mellons, 5,000 miles away

from the other dancing—in Poland and Germany—

oh God of mercy, oh wild God.

>This is one sentence long and 19 lines long

>Line 17 uses Pittsburgh twice

>The last line repeats the word God

>There are 17 commas

>There are 4 —

>Line 5 seems to be the first transition in the piece and it transitions into a memory

>

Junk Yard 48, Week 12

This is what I have learned from working with Attorneys....
They DO NOT like to repeat themselves...

On the way to the masquerade !!! The end of the world party is bout to go down! Leh go

I'm so glad my car's broken because now I don't have to carry my bothersome key everywhere!

COUNTDOWN BEGINS: 7 days until I'm at the Plantation sunning & drinking with my family, my boy, & my darling Toddy! EEEEEE. & hearts. can hardly contain my sexxxcitement. gona beach my post-thanksgiving beluga self in the sand and pretend i dont have finals. EEEEEEEE.

Junk Yard 47, Week 12

I'm sure my eyeballs just fell out of my face. HEYYYYY finals!

I'm not criticizing him, per se, merely noticing discrepancies in his artistic and critical writings.

Etiquette Rule #1- Do not answer the phone while you are cuddling, then tell the person that called you that THAT is what you are doing. It definitely makes the reason for you calling them AWKWARD!

Reminds me of a smile in the back of my memory... Wonder if I see her again, will she remember me?

You see 11 condoms i see 11 minutes of my life I'm not getting back... :)..... :| .... :/ .... :(

My rhyme lines flow sweeter than swine,
So any mic that I find, I got the right to be hogging it.
Talking shit, loud mouth, wyle out- starting it,
Alcoholic slaughtering my vocab department.
So pardon if my talking is slurred,
Pants sagging, hands grabbing on my nuts, clutch sparking my herb.

hipster jenna drinks coffee outside in downtown athens on her macbook pro, pretending like she has important things to be learning/looking up, while thinking about how chickens are not nuggets and the birds in the bushes behind me can share my bread with me, and pondering the one expensive beer i will have tonight (1554, because i liked it before it was cool, and uve probably never heard of it before lol) while acting like im too cool for everyone (wait i am, ha). lolz

Junk Yard 46, Wekk 12

Perfume review

All strawberries and caramel, Miss Dior Cherie, on first sniff, smells nothing like its staid, powdery counterpart. In spite of drool-worthy carnival confections, on a deeper lever Miss Dior Cherie reveals the complex connections it shares with the original Miss Dior. Sugary and warm, Miss Dior Cherie sports a daring masculine layer of patchouli. Fading so well into the burnt sugar, warm delights and fruits, the bold incense tones are often initially missed altogether. This patchouli is dark, womanly sophistication far beyond the market-popular edible layers. Decades ago, Miss Dior could proudly proclaim the same. Beyond the much-loved creamy florals, Miss Dior touts a daring, smoldering vetiver base.