Lol you do have an obsession with sexual content and colors. Perhaps you should consider hanging out with Trista? I think that was her name because she definitely has a grasp of the sexual language, her poems were awesome.
Anyway, I really like this draft and the transitions especially in the first stanza. Lines 3-5 I just love the play of words.
I don't know if I like the ending of this piece because to me its just another explanation of the desensitized prostitute. I think it would be interesting if you made the character in this piece excited for this job. I mean she kind of seemed excited for the idea in the beginning of the piece and then by the end its like... actually this job would suck. I don't know if you've ever been to a strip club but the women there may physically be there but when you watch their face.... they are mentally checked out. I think it would be more of a challenge to convince a reader that being a prostitute is an appealing/exciting job.
Anyway I thought that would be an interesting/different and challenging perspective.
Overall thought I had fun reading this piece.. I really like "whispering destined jargon deciphered only through touch--like brail"
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